Some people will avoid confrontation at all costs. When you have dating anxiety, communication is not your strong point. If you find yourself in a situation where communication is the only way to resolve an issue, ask your friends or coworkers what they would do in the situation or what they do when there is conflict in their lives. You’d be surprised to find out that many people also hate confrontations but realize it is something that has to be done. That is the difference: one person is afraid of confrontation and will avoid the situation and let the conflict continue while the other person (who also hates confrontation) will address the situation and end up with a solution.
Where does the need to socialize come from? Some people are perfectly happy being loners and doing things themselves. There is so much pressure form society, however, that being a loner turns into being lonely. Having “me” time is fine, but there are times when having a companion is better, even if you prefer to be alone. Going to the movies, having dinner at a restaurant, or going to an amusement park are just some examples.
Being quiet and having social anxiety are often interchangeable. Have you ever been told that you were shy, but didn’t have anxiety? I have, and it made me rather mad. Just because I hide my anxiety from my coworkers doesn’t mean I am okie dokie. If we seriously ponder the question at hand, however, there is a difference. Social anxiety interferes with your life. It may cause you to have panic attacks or prevent you from doing everyday things that seem normal to everyone else. The quiet girl or quiet guy, on the other hand, may feel timid around strangers but open up to them later. A person who is quiet may be able to articulate themselves in a concise manner and do not need to take 30 minutes to tell a 5 minute story. Quiet people may just be comfortable with who they are and do not feel the need to impress others. While being quiet, or even shy, may be seen as a natural condition, social anxiety is considered a disorder.
When you have social anxiety disorder, it is difficult to be around other people. That means that flirting is even more difficult to deal with. Flirting involves making eye contact, which people with social anxiety disorder tend to fear. With online dating, the idea of flirting is the same, but the way it happens is different. Making physical eye contact is out of the question.
All relationships begin with successful flirting. Flirting is an art that requires oozing confidence without being OTT. If you go too far, she will label you “slimy” If you don’t go far enough, she will label you “wimpy”. So how do you achieve that point half way between slimy and wimpy and do it online without using eye contact or body language? All you have is a computer an Internet connection and membership in an online dating site, right?
Social anxiety disorder
1. Have fun! Be light-hearted, funny and entertaining. This can be challenging for people with social anxiety disorder, but try your best! Make her eager to talk to you again. Flirting should be playful.
2. Ooze confidence. Successful flirts have a positive outlook on life. You need to transmit the “feel good” factor. An optimistic attitude attracts females like honey attracts flies.
3. Compliment her…and do it often and sincerely. Nothing opens doors like making her feel good about herself. She will want to spend more time with you and if she pays you a compliment say “thank you”. Do Not be self depreciating.
4. Listen…listen….listen. Pay attention to what she says and ask appropriate questions. Get her to open up and talk about herself. Make her feel like she is interesting and that you are interested in her. This works wonders!
5. Don’t be rude. Flirting does not include being sexually explicit nor taking offence if the lady isn’t responding to you. If she isn’t interested, take the hint and move on to the next prospect. If you get a lot of rejections, you should probably consider a different approach.
6. Send an email after you chat. This ranks right up there with sending a thank you note for a gift and it is vital to successful flirting.
Don’t try to go too fast. Flirting is the first step to a successful relationship.
People with social anxiety disorder hate:
THE CLUB The last thing a person with social anxiety disorder wants is to be surrounded by loads of people at the club. The club involves everything a shy person would avoid, such as mingling and dancing with people they do not know.
B-DAY PARTIES, PICNICS and BBQ’s Birthday parties and barbeques are the
perfect event to sit down and talk to people. This probably means talking to a lot of people. People with social anxiety disorder do not consider this fun. Rather, they feel shy, nervous and out of place.
THE LUNCH TABLE Where to sit? Where to sit? That is the question often asked by people with anxiety. It is difficult finding a place to sit when you are not really friends with anybody. The fear of sitting alone is a terrible feeling.
HAPPY HOUR Once again, happy hour involves close interaction with co-workers and whoever they invite. Many strangers come together just for a good happy hour, but strangers make people with social anxiety disorder nervous. It is hard enough trying to find something to say to your co-worker, let alone a stranger.
THE STAGE While some people are constantly vying for the spotlight, some
just cannot stand it. The thought of public speaking is enough to cause a
mild, panic attack. The biggest fear about being in the spotlight is worrying about what others think of you.
People with social anxiety disorder love:
The BEDROOM For a person with social anxiety, the bedroom is the most comfortable place to be. The bedroom is an escape from society, and no one else threatens to enter. There are many things to do in one’s bedroom, such as watch TV, listen to music, or read a book.
FAMILY The only time a recluse may hang out with a crowd of people is at family events. Family members are less likely to be judgmental or make fun of each other. People with social anxiety disorder have known these people their entire life, which means they have no need to be as shy around them.
The CUBICLE People with social anxiety may find themselves eating at their cubicle. This is mostly because they are too afraid to interact with co-workers. The cubicle is a shelter because it can be used as an excuse to get work done.
HAPPY HOUR While the bar scene may not be so happy for the loner, quality alone time is great. A loner gets excited about playing video games, running errands, or going shopping. Activities that do not involve much social interaction, such as amusement parks or sports games, are also considered to be fun.
BLOGGING Being on stage is a fright, but being behind a computer is an entirely different matter. The World Wide Web is an excellent outlet for recluses to learn new things, meet online friends and get their blogging on. While shy in person, some hermits become hugely popular online, blogging about their interests or offering advice to those who need it.