Online Dating Anxiety

Let us say that you have managed to approach a potential partner and have now gone on a few dates, despite your dating anxiety. Congratulations! Of course, there is more to dating than this, so here are some tips about how to go through the later stages of dating, taking into account your dating anxiety.

Dating Anxiety Tips

1. Don’t be swayed into changing every aspect of your life for the other person. Retaining old activities and connections preserves some stability, and serves as an outlet for negative energies that might otherwise strain the relationship.
2. Deliberately set aside time to maintain lines of communication. Schedules might not seem romantic, but they do shore up the sense of commitment that is the real foundation of a romantic partnership. Social dating anxiety is a bit like fear of the unknown, and so can be combated by good planning.
3. Sex is definitely a legitimate concern. If you are anxious about differing views on sex, you and your partner should lay out your expectations early so as to prevent misunderstandings.
4. If you suffer from dating anxiety panic attacks, do warn your date so they do not mistake an attack for cardiac arrest, and so that they know how to help you in an emergency. When a panic attack occurs, you are not the only one suffering. Your loved ones also become upset and afraid when they see what you are going through.
5. If you are learning techniques to manage stress, try passing them on to your partner. Your partner may not have dating anxiety, but is likely to find some of the techniques useful.
6. Have a good support network of friends and family. An overly narrow emotional sphere can be stifling for both you and your partner.
7. Ask female friends for advice. They can help you get past myths and generalizations about women.

Social dating anxiety has a chicken-and-egg relationship to a person’s confusion concerning how to approach women. The person feels he does not know how to approach women, so he becomes anxious. Also, since he has social dating anxiety, any knowledge and experience he does gain tend to go right out the window just when he needs them. If you have this issue, here are some strategies to help you out. Think of them as very fundamental approaches, instead of specific tips that may or may not work in certain situations.

Firstly, DO be aware of the differing social expectations for men and women. Women’s lib and Girls Gone Wild aside, the idea that a man has to make the first move is still deeply ingrained in many women. Given this fact, you should not expect a lot of women to approach you first. You do need to be willing to make the first move sometimes, despite your social dating anxiety.

Secondly, DON’T expect serious relationships right away. No, do not take this to mean that a person with social dating anxiety cannot have serious relationships. This is actually a general tip for most men. Though the stereotype is that women are marriage-crazy, men can be that way, too, which often leads them to put too much pressure on initial encounters. Have a more open attitude as to the direction of a possible relationship.

Finally, DO accept that you will not always succeed, no matter how desirable you are. Also, rejection should not be taken too hard. After all, people all have different standards. Perhaps that person was not ready for a relationship at the time. (Love is about timing. If you want a painstaking illustration of this, go see the movies of Wong Kar-Wai—which also happen to be excellent date movies.) With a realistic, balanced perspective, social dating anxiety becomes a lot more manageable.

For more information on social anxiety, visit:

http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/

http://socialanxietyblog.blogspot.com/

http://socialanxietydisorder.about.com/od/copingwithsad/a/meetpeople.htm

http://www.chickjunk.com/5-rules-defeating-date-anxiety/

Dating anxiety can often seem like an insurmountable obstacle. If you spend the entirety of a date feeling nervous and afraid, you are highly unlikely to enjoy yourself, or to give your special someone a good time. However, if you suffer from social dating anxiety, here are some suggestions you can try. Pick the ones that sound best for you and your date.

• Stick with the tried and true. People often feel less acute dating anxiety when they have an established template to follow. This means dinner, dancing, and movies, basically. The third choice might be a good option for people who feel particularly tongue-tied during dates, since talking in the cinema is strongly discouraged. The most critical decision, then, is the actual movie you will be watching. Once this choice is out of the way, you can relax.

• Maintain eye contact. This is often difficult for people who suffer from dating anxiety. Shyness tempts them into looking at the floor, the wall, or at other parts of the date’s body. Though these indirect gazes might make you feel less nervous, they send a negative message to your date. You look as if you are not paying attention to him/her, or are only interested in him/her physically, rather than as a prospect for a serious relationship.

• If you want a “spicier” date, do not go overboard with the excitement. In other words, theme parks are fine, but perhaps you should save the skydiving or bungee jumping for a future outing. If your date is the type of person who insists upon a high level of excitement all the time, their company is likely to aggravate your anxiety about dating.

• Do make a list planning what you will do on the outing. Many people claim they want a “spontaneous” partner—until every date turns into a train wreck from lack of preparation. Again, having a detailed plan to stick to can make being nervous about dating more manageable.

In music and film, love has been described as a bullfight, or a battlefield. To a person with social dating anxiety, such parallels make complete sense. If you have dating anxiety, everything to do with romancing the opposite sex becomes quite scary. However, you need not resign yourself to singlehood, or lowered expectations. Here are some good strategies you might employ in order to have a great romantic life.

1. Choose strategic territory if you are going to be on the lookout for dating partners. Places that cater to specific interests of yours (hobby stores, bookshops, etc.) can, by default, provide conversational openings with other people in the establishment.

2. Watch your body language. Paying too much attention to your speech can make you sound stiff—all the while your anxiety about dating is plainly visible in your posture, gestures, etc.

3. Dates at bars may seem like the typical, easy option, but you should probably avoid them if you want to make the date very special. One on one interaction may seem like it will exacerbate your dating anxiety, but close one-on-one ties are what relationships are about.

4. Consider carefully before taking anti-stress medication to alleviate being nervous about dating. You may reduce alertness, which can compromise your safety and that of your date.

5. Related to the previous tip, be careful about taking stimulants on the date itself. In other words, if it is a coffee date, consider ordering decaf drinks. Be aware of any stimulants in the food you are planning to order. This should not be too difficult if you have already looked up the restaurant and decided what to order in advance.

6. Try to take some physical exercise as a way to de-stress before dates. You will look and feel better, as well. However, asking your doctor about what kind of exercise to do might be a good idea, to ensure that you are not doing a type of activity that worsens physical symptoms of dating anxiety.

7. Have a backup plan in case something goes wrong: bad car, double-booked reservation, etc.

Dating anxiety is quite a difficult problem. The good news is that you and others who have the same problem can team up to help one another. Here are some ways a support group might help you get over your dating anxiety.

1. Sharing Wisdom

At the support group, it is likely that you will find people who are more experienced than you, or have had a different set of experiences than you. You might swap stories about what sorts of treatments work, and how triggers for your dating anxiety might be avoided. It is true that you might find advice from other sources, but “insider” information should not be underestimated.

Of course, if the problem is very bad, it might really be indicative of deeper issues, and you might need to seek professional help. Perhaps others in your support group can refer you to an affordable, competent professional.

2. You Are Not Alone

Part of the reason people do not treat anxiety problems is out of a misguided sense of shame or embarrassment. Once you meet or communicate with others who have same problem as yours, your dating anxiety is likely to seem less strange.

3. The Drive to Improve

Ostensibly, a support group is about, well, support. However, this does not preclude a sense of competition developing between members. This is by no means a bad thing (so long as the competition remains friendly, of course). If you notice that some people in your support group are succeeding in addressing their dating anxiety, you will feel the drive to do the same. Furthermore, if a person who starts out with worse problems than yours manages to make big steps, you will feel inspired to do better, too.

4. Online Support Groups

Some people’s social dating anxiety is connected to anxiety in other social situations, and they might find support group meetings to be too stressful. This is where online forums come in handy. Furthermore, such forums are very convenient, since previous content is recorded for perusal, and you do not have to worry about schedules or travel time.