Online Dating Anxiety

By Vincent Stevenson

Why is public speaking the world’s number 1 fear?

I had no idea, that was until 25 years ago when my professional life took a turn for the worse.

Sweaty palms, uncontrollable nerves, a quavering voice did not endear me to the Board of the company I had recently joined.

For me, it was the fear of the unknown. Fear of the almost of fear itself. I was young, new, I had zero experience of making presentations. I was too proud to ask for help. As the big day approached, my preparation or lack of it, presented me with an enormous headache. The inevitable result of this disaster waiting to happen has had a long and lasting resonance in my professional life.

So what did I do to get over it?

My first reaction was to seek a professional voice coach. He taught me how to breathe from the diaphragm which has two key benefits to the speaker. Initially, effective breath control produces and improved voice. Secondly, diaphragmatic breathing introduces large levels of oxygen into the blood stream which helps to reduce muscle tension. The other benefit is that when that oxygen begins to hit the brain, everything begins to slow down. Try it yourself. Sit down in a quiet place or even better lie down somewhere and just breathe deeply into the core of your body for two minutes. You will feel a sensation of euphoric calm. It’s free, it’s effective, so please get in to the habit of self help.

Use Brainwaves to Get Rid of Anxiety

Have you ever witnessed the behaviour of somebody who is totally stressed out? What do we say to them? Well usually, ‘Calm down! Take a deep breath’. The anger and stress soon passes as the oxygen hits the brain. When we are calm and in control of our emotions we make better decisions. As speakers, it’s vitally important that we’re in control of ourselves because we have to concentrate on our pitch, pace, pause and projection as well as attuning it to excellent content with a powerful messages.

Another pressure that I needlessly put on myself was wanting to be 100% correct. My fear of being found infallible as a human was a pain too far. Naturally, better planning, preparation and practise would have helped my confidence, but by that time I was already way out of my depth.

In subsequent articles, I will share with you many other techniques that I have used personally and found to be effective in overcoming the fear of public speaking.

Copyright (c) 2010 The College Of Public Speaking

Effective Communication Skills are the cornerstone of business success. It’s tragic that the world’s number 1 fear is that of speaking in public. The College of Public Speaking’s offering on overcoming the fear of public speaking is gathering momentum. If you want to know more about our methods, please select one of the following links:
Public Speaking Fear
Fear Speaking London

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Who would have thought that Oprah suffers from social anxiety? Is it really that far fetched? There are many individuals who suffer from anxiety. Some of these include Abraham Lincoln (president), Barbara Streisand (singer), Dick Clark (TV personality), John Madden (sports announcer) and the most famous, Michael Jackson (singer). Those are but a few who keep Oprah in good company.

You may ask, if these people suffer from social anxiety, how can they do what they do and the audience not pick up on it? After all Oprah suffers from social anxiety and does it. They have made it their determination to “go on with the show no matter what”. Then there are some who turn to illegal drugs to cope with the unpleasant symptoms of social anxiety. Unfortunately they learn all too often they have exchanged one problem for another. And with some, they have paid dearly with their lives.

Looking at Oprah, you would be hard pressed to believe she suffers from social anxiety. And if she is, you may wonder how she is coping with it. Unless you are very good friends with her, you may never find out. She does have a wide array of friends and that often helps. When negative symptoms come to the fore, Oprah is able to enlist the help of her friends to “talk down” negative emotions and help her “breathe” through an anxious moment.

There are times when observing Oprah’s show that she appears a bit breathless. An anxiety symptom? It very well could be. To be sure, when Oprah was engaging in a rigid exercise routine, her anxiety did not peak as often since exercise is a sure way to lower one’s anxiety.

If you are feeling anxious about anything or suffer from the terrible symptoms of anxiety, you are not alone. The list above names just a few who are like you; even Oprah suffers from social anxiety. You just might say you are in good company.

It is hard enough for a guy to ask a girl for a date but what if you are the shy guy who needs to develop a positive self image to be able to even ask a girl for a date.

You will need to learn to feel good about yourself in order to build your self esteem. You will also need to learn that there are as many shy girls as there are shy guys. If nobody takes the initiative than how do shy guys meet shy girls? Someone has to take the first step. Might as well be you because even a shy guy can develop a positive self-image.

Here are some steps that will help you to live with your shyness and appreciate you for who you are…

• Appreciate all that your body can do, like running, dancing, breathing and dreaming. Yes, dreaming about that perfect girl.
• List the top 10 things you like about yourself. Read that list often and continue adding to it as you think of more things about yourself that you admire.
• Learn that beauty is skin deep. However, true beauty reflects in how you carry yourself. “Beauty is a state of mind” not a state of your body.
• When you look in the mirror, see yourself as you would want others to see you. Do you want someone to see just a small part of you, usually your weakness? Or do you want them to see you as an entire person?
• Surround yourself with people who are positive. People who are supportive of you will build your confidence. They know that a shy guy can develop a positive self image.
• Don’t pay attention to images, slogans or attitudes that make you feel bad about yourself. You already have a problem with shyness. Why be reminded of it?
• Take the time to do something nice to yourself. Find a peaceful place to relax and think of nothing but yourself and the improvements you have already made.
• Don’t take after the latest fashion. Your body is unique unto yourself. You cannot pour yourself into a buff tank top if you have no muscles or are sporting a pot belly. You want people to notice you for you and not for your physique.

Don’t listen to those nagging voices that say you can’t do something. You can and you can do so with short affirmations knowing that the shy guy can develop a positive self-image.

There are many people world-wide who suffer from social anxiety symptoms. Just the thought of being in a group, let alone date someone sends them into a panic mode accompanied by various unpleasant physical symptoms. So they don’t date because social anxiety prevents them from dating.

There is another means to meet new people and that is through online dating. The internet has opened the way for people to meet one another and get to know each other before face to face contact. When that happens, you have already laid the groundwork by getting to know a future partner. There really is no social anxiety to prevent you from dating so you will know what to do.

More and more people are spending time online. Romance is one of the goals in online dating and when suffering from social anxiety causes one to “back into a corner”, the internet brings out the best in a person.

One way to take advantage of online dating is to join the many social networks. Information is shared; pictures are shared. Soon contact is made by engaging in online chats. More and more people are opting for video chatting with their date and with friends they have made. Hopefully what becomes a casual acquaintance will turn into a friendship that ultimately leads to romance. Of course, distance is always a problem unless you are rich. But even that can be overcome with reasonable planning.

If you do live alone, a wise course would be to join the numerous online chat rooms. There are many visitors to these rooms in hopes of finding someone who meets their “wildest dreams.”

It would be prudent to mention that online chat rooms do not necessarily attract individuals with good intentions. Always remember – you can be anyone you want to be – sight unseen. Though social anxiety may prevent you from dating and you will need to know what to do.

Have you ever noticed how many self help books there are on the market? There are isles and isles of books that guarantee to help you replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. Studies have been done on the power of positive thinking and the health benefits you gain by thinking that way.

Positive thinking reduces stress, helps people live longer and in general, improves a person’s well being. The world does not allow for positive thinking. Just think. A plunging economy, unemployment, lack of insurance, inability to take care of one’s family, foreclosures – just to name a few.

How does one replace negative thoughts with positive ones?

Avoiding negativity is an issue for your life. There are five tips that will help you to turn your negative thoughts into positive ones…

• The most important one is to admit you are a negative person. If you don’t recognize you’re a negative person, how will you be able to learn positive thoughts?
• The next step is to force yourself to be positive. Change the way you think. That will take effort because you will need to become conscious of your daily thoughts. When negative thoughts creep in, you need to quickly turn them into positive thoughts. Example: “I don’t think I can do this.” Switch that mindset to…”I know I can do this; I have the skills.” Think of the emotions these two thoughts created. How was your body stance? Downhearted or did you lift yourself up?
• You are your environment. If it is negative, you will become negative. But if it is positive and upbuilding, you come positive. If you associate with friends who constantly tear you down, your negative thoughts will be just that – negative. You need positive people who care about you and your well being.
• What we listen to has a bearing on our thoughts. The news is full of negativity which produces negative thoughts. Become more selective in your television viewing. Watch shows that make you laugh and are happy shows. There is happy news. You just have to search harder for it.
• Learn to meditate by clearing your mind and lowering your stress. Stay focused; stay positive. Take 15 minutes each day to meditate and you will be able to handle stress much better.

Allow yourself to be immersed in positive thinking by replacing negative thoughts with a feel good image of yourself. When you do this, others cannot help but develop positive thoughts about you and about themselves.